sad much?

joe den always says to me
random much?

datz cz i get random,
and sumtimes,
im all about the randoms..

but today, im actually very sad..

i have a friend who has a sis..
and she got afflicted with cancer..
not sure which one..

and she went to China for treatment..
dat was last year..

the last time i asked,
my other friend said,
everything is fine..

but i just heard yesterday,
dat she actually passed away
sumwhere between may and june this year..

omigosh,
this is SOOO heart-wrenching..

im really really really sad..
i mean really really really really really sad..
really sad is an understatement..

i have known
my friend since Std 1..
and his sis is Std 6 this year..
i knew her since she was 3..
she is a cute, happy girl..
very jolly..

i dun knw..
im a Christian,
i believe in heaven,
in hell,
in God,
in satan..

and what hurts me the most is,
when i asked yesterday,
my friend said "In heaven lor"

and i knw datz soothing to them..
but not to me..

bcz i knw the truth..
dat if she dint accept Jesus,
she cant go to heaven..

no,
im not denying ppls access to heaven..

but..
datz the cold hard fact..

and i hope dat someone shared about Christ
before she died..
Phoebe said we cant predict the unknown..
dat she mite have cried out to God in time of distress..

and thanks Phoebe,
thanks for the comfort..

but im trying to reconcile
cold hard reality..

and itz heartbreaking..

like i said,
im a Christian,
but i dun knw how to deal
with ppls deaths..

i knw i will see my Christian bros and sisses in heaven..

but
but what about the non-Christians?
what about my muslim friends who wont believe in Jesus..

God,
why God,
im so heart broken..
Lord,
forgive me,
im not doubting You,
but,
Lord,
i cant take it..

Why oh God,
why dint i share with her about You,
when i had the chance..

Why, oh God,
why?
am i guilty with her blood on my head?
bcz i feel dat way..

i feel so guilty,
i feel so bad..
i feel so hurt..
so angry at myself..

why oh why marcus..
why?

haiz..

i..
i need to clear my mind..
=(

but whatever,
God, You r still in control,
You are sovereign..

signing off,
MarcusDS