what happened?

i actually feel kinda crappy this week. Ridden all over with guilt, shame, anxiety and pain.

i admit, im not dat smart a person. i knw i do alot of things at the spur of the moment. and i know that im too spontaneous some times.

im not going to justify my acts. im too tired for that.

im soo tired of being me. im tired of being marcus. im tired of the same routine day in day out. change is easier said than done. and im learning that.

why am i still dealing with what i dealt with 5 yrs ago? i want to change, but sometimes, my pride and my self gets the better of me.

and the worse thing? i let them riddle with me. and after they do, i feel guilt stricken, ashamed.

why do i rush into things without thinking at all?

i "marvel" at my stupidity.

God, why did you choose me?
i wouldnt have chosen me.

i knw where i have gone wrong. and i will change. for those who have said the right things these past week, i thank you. i know God has lead you to say the things you said, even if it wasnt nice to hear.

i finally know why we feel so uncomfortable when we hear certain things. itz because, the truth hurts. sorry, if u cant take the truth, but it really does hurt. and the bible is a double-edged sword.

So help me God.

signing off,
a over-spontaneous sometimes-no-brain whacko who-wants-to-do-what-pleases-God but fails miserably sometimes =5
MarcusDS