rest..

sometimes
i just want to fall asleep
and not wake up

i literally mean it..
in human terms..
die

i want to shun away from all this
hurt
pain
suffering

not wake up and see the hurt in this world..
not wake up and smell the defeat of humankind..
not wake up and witness my past sins haunt me..

i wish to fall into a deep slumber,
never to regain consciousness..

ppl tell me not to be so morbid..
dun plan ur funeral, my mum always says..

but than again,
come to think about
eternal bliss?
there's no such thing..

i mean,
uve got to end up somewhere dont u?
u live..to relive to relive to relive to disappear?
im sorry la..
but thatz even more depressing den me wanting to sleep forever..

i just turned on biblegateway
cz abby asked me to check someting..

and i read this

Daniel 12:12-13
¹² Blessed is the one who waits for and reaches the end of the 1,335 days.

¹³ "As for you, go your way till the end. You will rest, and then at the end of the days you will rise to receive your allotted inheritance."

eternal bliss?
no..
the bible doesnt promise eternal bliss..

but what it does promise is rest..
rest in Jesus who shall one day resurrect us into the new heaven and earth..
rest in the Spirit and our deeds follow us..

this human vessel grows old and weary..
but there is a purpose for this unrefined soul..

Lord,
let me endure till the end..
You have said the field is wide..
the mission field is staring at me..
You have said many are called, but few are chosen..
and You also said that the weary and heavy laden should drink of Your water
and never thirst.

help me Lord..
im struggling..
help me Oh God..

it is no longer i who live, but Christ who lives in me..
i am
officially
D-E-A-D

signing off,